i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
