I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
