people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
