Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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