hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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