so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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