I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
