I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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