Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
