She is in my trunk
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
