Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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