i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
