I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You are the jesus of drinking
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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