why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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