grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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