I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
