my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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