Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
