closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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