very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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