I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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