im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize