Ambien. No doubt about it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
