I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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