Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
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Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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