I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We need to rekindle our bromance
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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