giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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