we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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