Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
