if you like me you must not know who I am
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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