i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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