If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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