I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
