sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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