There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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