The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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