Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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