At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The feeling are messing with the penis
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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