I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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