He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
