a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
