Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
