Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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