I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize