I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
