Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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