We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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