i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
