My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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