i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize